Christ Lives In Me

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live,
but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body,
I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and
​gave himself for me.
​Galatians 2:20

 It was a cold and clear winter night, I was in the comfort of my home in New York City, it was about 3:15 in the morning. Why was I up at that time? You might ask, well I was actually pacing from one side of the living room to the other because the pain in my lower back area was unbearable. Due to an ailment not yet known to me at the time, I had developed a very high level of calcium in my body which had caused the formation of kidney stones, not just one or two but over one hundred of them. As I write, I have already passed 140 kidney stones and one of them was so large that it had to be removed by surgery and some other undesirable procedure. but that particular night I was going through a unique situation, I had 7 stones stuck between the right kidney and the bladder and I had a lot of liquid built up between the top of my right kidney and my stomach area, causing excruciating pain in my lower back. I was pacing back and forth, I was crying, I was praying and I was asking this question, Lord, where are you? I couldn't understand at the time What purpose would the Lord have to allow me to go through such a difficult experience, and in the midst of it, the pain, my feelings and the anguish that I was experiencing made me feel so lonely and forsaken by my God.
I had made a conscientious commitment to the Lord, that it didn't matter what I will go through due to my illness, I would never give Satan the glory, whether good or bad my circumstances belong to God and to God alone and that I would praise his name no matter what. But that night I needed God more than ever, and I felt like he wasn't there. I remained calling on him for a good part of the night, and in the middle of the night when I felt that all was lost, there it was like a faint voice, like a whisper in the depth of my soul and my spirit, the words as clear as the night, I AM HERE. ​

Jehova-Shammah (The Lord is Present)

The Lord began to show me and assured me that in the midst of my pain, anguish and suffering He was there with me, He was suffering it with me, He would never leave me or forsake me, my pain was His pain and my suffering was His suffering for He lives in me. He made me see like a movie how He never forsake King David. David felt exhausted and was panting like a deer pants through the currents of the waters at a moment when his enemies were asking him. Where is your God? (Psalm 42) And David began to cry out, I Am Thirsty! I thirst for God, for the living God. David knew that the Lord was present and would never forsake him, which is why he says in psalm 23 although I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil because you are with me. The Lord showed me how He was with Joseph the son of Jacob, through all his trials and unimaginable circumstances, God never left him or forsake him and the Lord kept His promise to see him through it all until He became the second in the Kingdom of Egypt.

Forsaken By God

Then the Lord showed me a different picture, He showed me how He was sweating drops of blood the night that He was to be apprehended in gethsemane, where He asked of the Father, let this cup pass from me. But He had to do it, yes, He was going to go through the most horrible suffering that any human being would ever go through and He had to do it alone. He was going to carry the sin of the world on him and confront the hate of all his enemies at once, no one was coming to His rescue, Satan himself was present with every member of his kingdom of darkness to make sure that no mercy was afforded to Jesus, and so the ordeal began with false testimonies and being sentenced to be lashed 40 times without stopping, breaking through His flesh to the very bone, they punched him and smacked him and spit on him and made him carry His own cross, they nailed His hands to the cross, they nailed His feet to the cross and there He hanged for hours until He died and a roman soldier pierced His side. But the most difficult time happened between noon and 3 o’clock, when darkness covered the earth, darkness is nothing else but the absence of light and God is the Father of lights, He dwells in inaccessible light and yet darkness was surrounding Jesus. So Jesus knew that He was alone and forsaken and He cried out for nothing hurt him more than to be forsaken by the Father, He said: “My God, my God, Why have you forsaken me?

At that moment I realized that my pain and suffering was so minimal in comparison and I had to ask the Lord, why Lord WHY? Why did you go through such pain and suffering alone and forsaken? With the deepest love I have ever felt He replied: I did it, so you don’t have to ever be alone or forsaken. I did it so I could keep my promise to you that I will be with and in you always. Suffering and feeling everything, you feel, I will never forsake you, I will never leave you alone. I know you will also experience better times and I will be there as well. As I promised I will rejoice when you rejoice and I will mourn when you mourn, I will be with you and in you always. 
That night I learned to say that if I live, I live for Christ and if I die, I die for Christ, whether I live or die I belong to the Lord. To me to live is Christ and to die is gain. Christ Lives in Me!

Note To The Reader:

If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and savior, this promise is for you as well, the Lord will never leave you or forsake you, He knows your triumphs and your failures, your pain and your joy, the Lord is always there, He lives in you and you in Him. God is truth and there is no deception in Him, He will always keep His promises. His disciples also drank from the same cup and they confronted life, joy, suffering and death in Christ. The Lord never forsake them as He promised. The Lord said: In my father’s house there are many dwellings, I am going to prepare a place for you, so that where I am you shall also be.
Today as I write this note most of my suffering and pain is behind me, the Lord have guided my steps to find healing, fulfillment and joy. There are some challenges ahead of me, but I know the Lord is with me and in me, the life I live, I live in Christ.  He will never forsake me. Amen!
 
Yours In Christ,
​
Pastor Edwin

---